And you, who were once alienated and enemies in your mind by wicked works, even now hath He reconciled. -Colossians 1:21
I know this truth well: that I once was alienated from God but am now reconciled.
How then do I find myself throwing alien-like prayers up to God? I pray as if He barely knows me. I approach His throne as if I'm a stranger when I am a member of His divine household.
When did I start to think myself a foreigner? I turn this question over and over again. And then the lyrics of Amanda Cook's song "Kind" fill up the room and my heart.
You are not a tyrant king....
You are not an angry man...
You do not treat us with contempt...
You are kind.
Unanswered prayer made me believe the lie that God is a tyrant. Suffering made me believe that I was an outsider--an alien among my own Father. Once we are redeemed, nothing can make us an alien again beside our own unbelief and doubt.
Today was a shake-my-fist-at-the-sky day. To be honest, the fist-shaking wasn't really directed at the sky. It was directed at God. Why can't you be more loving? Don't you see my circumstances I questioned. But circumstances having nothing to do with the lovingkindness of God. His kindness exceeds the boundaries of what we are going through in this life.
Right in the middle of my toddler-like tantrum, I began to see traces of His hand in the alien nation existence I'd created for myself. There, right in front of me, were acts of His kindness all around.
How awful to come face-to-face with the realization that you can blame the building up of an alien nation on no one but yourself.
You are kind God.
You are kind....
I repeat this words over and over to myself because I don't remember the last time I gave voice to them much less believed the weight of the truth that these three words hold.
The alien who resides with you shall be to you as the citizen among you; you shall love the alien as yourself, for you were aliens in the land of Egypt: I am the Lord your God.
Leviticus 19:34 (NRSV)
Look at the kindness of God. Even for those who were really aliens and outcasts were drawn in with loving arms. So even if I find myself in a self-inflicted alien nation, there is grace for me. There is grace for you. We shall be loved. He is the Lord our God. And He is kind.