Ever wish you could push ctrl + alt + del on your life?
This week started off with one of those mornings where I wish I could have a do-over.
I yelled at the boys.
We were running late.
Then we get to the 5 year old's doctor appointment and they forgot about us.
By the time I'd dropped kid #3 off, I felt like a disheveled mess and the only thing I wanted to do was crawl back into bed. On my way out of the nursery after dropping the baby off, I ran into a co-worker who wanted to chat.
I plastered on a smile.
"You look great. I love those colors on you," she beamed.
I looked down at myself and realized I hadn't even looked in the full-length mirror before leaving. But I guess I'd managed to pull together something worthy of a compliment.
We caught up for a few moments as she asked about the kids. As we parted, she said, "You always have it together."
That's when I almost wept.
I wanted to scream, "No, I don't have it all together."
Instead, I just politely smiled and told her I don't, but I appreciated her comment.
"No," she insisted. "You really do always have it all together."
She didn't know the havoc that went on that morning.
That the house was a mess.
Laundry was left in piles to be folded.
I yelled at the boys.
Dirty dishes were piled in the sink.
I had no idea what was for dinner that night.
I'd picked out the outfit I had on from a pile of clean clothes at the foot of my bed that I didn't get a chance to hang up.
And the list goes on and on...
At the moment, I felt like a failure because I knew that what she said about me didn't match up with my reality.
As I made my way to the office, I whispered to myself and maybe more so to God, "I'm so grateful that I don't look like what I've been through."
Going through the fire and not smelling like smoke.
Going through the water and coming out dry.
The last few years have been hard. Some heartbreaking. One day I will share my whole story. I'm a private person by nature so sharing my every day trials is not something that comes naturally. But I'm just so thankful that the hard years haven't broken me and made me look worse for the wear.
There are many like that...who wear what they've been through on their faces. It sits on their shoulders like an ill-fitting winter coat two tims too big.
Thank God that He takes our burdens and carries them for us.
"Through the Lord’s mercies we are not consumed, Because His compassions fail not. They are new every morning; Great is Your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23 (NKJV)