Stumbling into Faith

It's been almost three weeks since I turned in my resignation, cleaned out my office at work, returned my badge, laptop and keys, and said good-bye to my co-workers. Since that time, I've been a stay-at-home mom to three kids. Just this week, I've applied for a homeschooling charter school and sat in orientation for another because I believe that God has laid it on my heart.

It's been a crazy whirlwind of walking, or shall I say, stumbling by faith these past few weeks.

The job resignation came after months upon months of praying for more margin in my life. I'd felt like I was pushing everything to the limit: finances, time, and my energy. I knew I needed  a change. My employer had announced late last year that layoffs would be happening this year. So I applied for job after job with no success. Just when I felt like I was about to break at the cracks when I looked at the cost of summer programs for my two boys, an email was sent out offering a voluntary resignation in lieu of being laid off. Oddly enough, I felt like this was the answer to my prayer. 

Then earlier this year, after 50 years of service, my boys' private school announced its closure after enrollment dipped too low to keep the doors open. The God-coincidence was that the day I received the letter in the mail about the school closing, I had created a homeschool schedule in my head (if I ever homeschooled). It was a totally random thought that flew into my mind....except it wasn't when I got the letter in the mail. 

The hand of Providence is amazing in hindsight. There had been months of God orchestrating things behind the scenes that I knew nothing about. As only He can, everything was unveiled at precisely the right time. 

So here I am talking one trembly step of faith everyday. I have a few months of severance pay, but after that, I'm going to have to find a stream of income. Focusing on today and not the future has been my greatest challenge of late. A little over a month ago, I had no idea that I would be where I am now. So I surely shouldn't concern myself with where I'm going to be three months from now. It's hard though when people are constantly asking where the boys will be going to school and what I'm going to do about work. My response is: God knows and He'll let me know at the appropriate time.

“Rest assured: Do what God tells you to do now, and, depend upon it, you will be shown what to do next.” - Elisabeth Elliot

Living by faith and winging it as I go is such a foreign concept for me. I like to map things out and have a Plan B just in case it's needed. Apparently, God is trying to get me to let go of this mentality and embrace the walking by faith journey wholeheartedly. It's exciting and scary, but I'm learning to trust the One who laid the foundation of the world.

“We never know what God has up His sleeve. You never know what might happen; you only know what you have to do now.” -Elisabeth Elliot

So for now, I'm going to keep stumbling into faith. I'll keep you posted on the progress.